Tuesday, May 13, 2014

My goal was to write on this blog everyday because writing everyday is a good habit, right? Well, that obviously didn't happen because I missed yesterday… blah… I almost missed today too (because I don't really have anything to write about) until I watched the video by Zoella and Sprinkles of Glitter (two You Tubers - I have a problem, I know) about questions/comments about your size (whether you're slender or curvy) which I really related to. (Sorry about all the parenthesis.)

When I was younger, and really until I was a senior in high school, I didn't think about my weight at all. I was completely content with how I looked and felt, and no one really said anything about it so I paid it no attention. However, the summer before my senior year I lost a lot of weight - partly because I was having some stomach issues and partly because I was so busy. I was completely unaware of the fact that I had lost so much weight until I returned to school. Literally everyone commented on how skinny I had gotten, including teachers, and rather than make me feel good about myself it actually made me feel really self-conscious. I'm not really quite sure why this was - maybe because this was the first time so many people were responding to my appearance (in turn making me pay more attention to it), which I wasn't used to, and maybe partly because it made me feel like I was somehow unattractive/fat before. For someone who had never felt fat, I felt like becoming thin had made me a more desirable person somehow because so many people were making such a huge deal of it. Obviously this isn't a good mind set.

It became a real problem when I entered college. I never really paid much attention to what I ate, and being surrounded by junk food constantly in the dining halls meant that I gradually gained weight, and it made me feel really bad about myself, especially when I went back home to people who knew me as "skinny" (and in my mind a more cool/attractive). I felt like I had suddenly become a less valuable person because of my size, which is not okay. No one would know that I had felt this way, though, because I never talk about this stuff out loud, but commenting on people's weight, in my opinion, is not an okay thing, whether they're thin or curvy. If you're trying to compliment them, try using phrases like "you look nice" or "great" instead. (The video with Zoey and Louise explains this so much better than I do…)

Anyway, I've been eating healthier now and feel better about myself mentally as well - not because of my size but because I just feel great the way I am. And who cares what anyone else thinks? People will judge you no matter what your size is so might as well allow yourself to love you the way you are. Also, you're size does not equate your value as a person at all.

It's not like people actually read this blog, but it feels good to get this off my chest. ^_^


P.S. I was kind of tired while writing this so I'm sorry if there are mistakes/ramblings/things that don't make sense.

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